Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Who is this person?

How does one confront the past when it rushes up completely unrecognizable...a person that is. I am at a loss as to how to deal with this person. I wonder is it possible this is only an exterior thing and sequestered deep inside is this wonderfully frail loving person I shared passions with. How do I know? Will it be in the eyes or the warmth of the hand? As for me how can I hide the beating of my heart the darkening of already nearly black eyes and the beads of perspiration on my forehead? It has been many years since I have seen this person...even then we did not part for lack of passion but rather passion clouding our rational behavior...we would have physically starved because regardless of what is said you cannot live by love alone.
What has happened is they had diverted this passion into a new way of life...successful business...successful spouse with nice white house and picket fence. Me, I am still the Bohemian endless bookshelves...every topic imaginable. Music to feed my racks that beg for bottles to stay more than a fortnight. I am still the soldier she held in the middle of the night as painful dreams would haunt me...not so much any more...she was my therapy her love healed me. Why has she come looking for me...she says to return things of mine...she kept them all these years. What do I do with the emotional rush that will hit me as I once again touch that time when love, bread, wine and a small bowl of spicy Bohemian potatoes fueled the heart, mind and soul?
I don't know what I will do...perhaps just enjoy the wonderful memories and leave things as they are.

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